Sunday, April 24, 2016

Learning to bleed

  For most of my teens and adult life, I've attempted to be a good leader. I've read books, went to conferences, seminars, etc. Those in and of themselves are not necessarily bad things but in my quest I've come to the realization that mass producing leadership usually doesn't really seem to prepare someone to the fullest. A true leader must learn to love those he leads. Without love, things become misguided. We begin building empires instead of empowering people. I understand this isn't an easy task to uphold...because there is no such thing as love without pain. Love does not fully form within us without understanding rejection, judgement, and betrayal.

  I've hated this process, I've tried to run from it, curse it, ignore it, but love will not be silent. I've felt the judgment and rejection while I tried to launch the same back at others. I've been in the company of those whom I felt betrayed me, but without my heart being laid open I would have never learned to bleed. I could have grown cold. I could have withdrawn. All justified responses to the naked eye. I've pissed and moaned, and complained, and threw temper tantrums. I've made awfully painful mistakes in the blindness of my pain. I've had to trudge through the messes I've made, learn that a bail out is not the answer, and that you can't draw blood from a stone. Blood is the life source of the human body. No one can draw life from you if you're heart is a stone. Learning to bleed is not a bad thing. It's messy, it's painful, but it's necessary to produce life in others. They have to know you've loved and weathered the pain. They have to know you understand their pain and you'll stand in their pain with them.

  For those I've judged, I'm sorry. Those I've betrayed, I'm sorry. Those I've rejected, I'm sorry. My heart is bleeding for you...not from you.

  I don't think I've fully articulated what's coming out of me right now, but I know learning to bleed has caused me to love more not less. What else should be articulated than greater love?